We Need A Makeover!!

My class mate Chante has marked my second paragraph and gave me a 10/12.

Rm 17s courtyard desperately needs a makeover! The following are reasons for this. Our courtyard is ugly, no space when fields are closed, kids get bowled over by seniors in the breeze and also it is hard to access our deck. We have surveyed kids from room 16 and found information as proof to redesign room 17s courtyard.

Firstly to entice children to come, we need to fix the tap and the ditch has to go. The ugly drain in the middle has grass growing in it! It makes our courtyard uninviting. Also mud is on the wall behind the sports shed. As well as this, the concrete is uneven which makes games like handball hard to play. Not a very enticing area at all!

Unfortunately when the fields close there is a cause of crowded conditions. Like in the breeze, little kids get pushed and shoved, by the seniors with their sports gear. We really need more space!

With out being able to access our deck it makes the courtyard seem old and not enticing.
If we take out the rail stopping us getting us on to the deck it would make it easier to get onto the deck. We have to convince the board to take the rails off!

I think we really need a make-over don’t you.