Thursday, May 5, 2011

Vote For The Best Introductions


I have tried to make two introductions about what I did in the holidays, but they are about the same things. So can you please vote for the best introduction by typing your answer in the box below the two choices. The first paragraph is going straight into the action and the second is going straight to my feeling's or what I was thinking. Vote for which is best.

“Hurry up” I said to my dad and sister, as I start hopping into the luge with excitement. When we arrived in Rotovages ( Rotorua). Our first activity was going down the luge.Down I went trying to steer it and just before I crashed in to somebody, I quickly read the instructions which I could not see. Later on I got the hang of it and got to go on it again but this time the intermediate it was more fun than the first time I went on. Half way on the intermediate lane I felt like I was on air but, I wasn't I was just going down a hill. After that l had to slow down because it was finished I had to wait a while because my sister and dad were taking very long to come down.

Cool I thought as I went inside the luge.Quickly I thought how do I steer this thing.After that I panicked and nearly crashed into somebody. A while later I got the hang of it and tried to go faster and faster, but then this sign was coming closer and closer it wanted us to slow down. “Oh” I said as I slowed down, it was the end. I really wanted to go on again I even begged for another go. Sadly we had no more passes.
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2 comments:

  1. Hey Brooklyn,

    I like the second paragraph because you are explaining your feelings when you went on the luge. I went on the luge next to snow planet. See you around.

    Shoal

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  2. Are these both introductions?
    In paragraph 1 I feel as if you have recounted the whole experience of going on the luge. It leaves me feeling as if I know all about what you did.
    Remember an introduction is to hook your audience in. The following paragraphs in the recount would talk about what actually happened and what it was like for you.
    I'm going to vote for the 2nd paragraph because you have just started the beginning of experience.

    ReplyDelete

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